dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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