You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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