I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
