You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
