how can u be prego again
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
