i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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