I wish I only lived at night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I need moral support for this bender
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
