Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
