if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
there is glitter all over my balls
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
