I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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