Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
