She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
