Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
