I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
