yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
