Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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