these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
