shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
