it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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