Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
