I'm so fucking centered right now
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
