ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
