Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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