i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
where are my eyebrows?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
