I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
