Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
