Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
