I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
