I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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