Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
