Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
