i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Can i not drive my cunt home
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
