I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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