tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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