it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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