Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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