i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
