saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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