Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
