a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
