i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
