this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
