trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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