That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
