ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
