I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
