He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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