OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
