can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Randomize
