Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
