someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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