weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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