Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
