I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
