I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
